Fishstick Friday

I’m not sure thats really the most correct title for this post but what I’m trying to say is “I freaking hate it when I know people think I am not doing as good a job as I can be doing”.

I fully realize when people think I need to be rising to a level that I am not at. I see the opportunities going by me and I can hear people talking about things and obviously dismissing me from the realm of possibilities. In my opinion its ridiculous. I can do everything that they think I can’t, or that they think I am not ready for. BUT I can understand where they are coming from. I really haven’t proved myself 100%. I pushed myself to a certain level and then I stopped. If anyone was really paying any attention they would realize that. The unfortunate (Read: frustrating) thing is that people think that this is the highest level that I can achieve.

And it FUCKING kills me. It drives me so up the wall and really pisses me off. It also kind of hurts because I am so used to getting that kind of recognition and now I’m not.

Unfortunately my need to remain laid back and not fully invest myself in this is stronger then that anger. My need to not be a workaholic and be a complete person in other ways outweighs that feeling.

Well most of the time it does. Right now I feel like punching a wall and quiting and then getting a way better job and being the kick-ass-rock-star that I know I am and telling everyone to SUCK IT DEEP.

Breath.

I hate work drama pretty much more then anything else in life, the reason why is very simple: I really don’t give a flying fuck. So when I get pushed to a point where I almost break into tears at work I really can’t handle it. I hate it when people impose their own emotional insecurities onto others and take on other peoples problems as their own. I do not respond well to being backed into corners and I can’t handle people making personal crusades to prove a point.

What I want to say is “get on with your life, swallow your shit, and quit bothering me, we all have a job to do here and I would never choose in a million years to work with you either” but what I have to say is “I hear what your saying and I’ll do what I can to work on some of these challenges and I appreciate you brining them to my attention” then I would like to fart in their face and walk away. Sometimes I do fart but not directly in their face.