Fishstick Friday

Otherwise known as Limbo. Not the fun kind of limbo that you do at Luau’s and Sock Hops, the kind that forces you TO NOT DO A DAM THING.

This is what I am conflicted about: I miss my life. I miss weekends and shopping and enjoying my job. I miss the little things as my life seems completely consumed by one HUGE thing.

BUT then I think about all the wonderful fantastic things that I am going to be doing and how much fun and all the adventures I will be having, for an ENTIRE YEAR.

Then I feel guilty. I think why am I so ungrateful that I cannot be 150% excited all the time about this amazing trip. Why can I not constantly think about all the things I am giving up to do this versus everything I will be gaining?

Here’s what I have determined: I’m never fully satisfied.

But you know what? I’m starting to be ok with that. I’m starting to understand that it’s ok to dive head first into something and then yearn for other things. I used to always wish (and sometimes still do) that I had one true passion that drove me and I would be so much better off because I was really good and really interested in ONE THING. I’m starting to realize that THAT is pretty much not going to happen.

I will always want more. I will always want something else. I will always be plotting and scheming trying to get myself to where I want to be at the time. But as long as I don’t forget my friends and keep the people I really love close to me, WHAT’S WRONG WITH FOLLOWING YOUR INTERESTS?

No it might not be a “passion” (yet) and no I might not be really good at it (at first), but YES I have always wanted to do it, and YES it might lead to other greater things.

If going on this trip teaches me nothing else then that it’s ok to do something different with my life then I will be satisfied. For once, but only for about a minute.

I am still struggling to continue writing. I didn’t think it would be this hard because I have a lot to say about a lot of things.

I think that the real problem might be because I am purposefully NOT talking about something that is taking up a lot of my time. So in an effort to be transparent I will put this on the blog, but I would appreciate some tact if I ever let people read this blog.

My boyfriend and I are planning a year round trip around the world. Phew. That felt good to finally say it. I’ve started another blog to document this but I want to keep it, for the time, just informational. So now that I have opened this floodgate I hope that I will be able to be inspired to write on here more.