Fishstick Friday

I found out yesterday that a family member’s cancer has come back. Breath. Gut wrenching sadness soon followed and then guilt in two forms.

Guilt #1:

I love this person but NO they are not in my life as much as they could be. Only recently did we start opening up to each other and I felt a stronger bond being formed between us. And the thought of them not being alive to be a part of my life and not having the chance to nurture our relationship was incredibly saddening.

Guilt factor #2:

I then realized how selfish my first reaction was. I only thought about myself and how much I would be affected by this person not being in my life anymore. What about all the other people that love and adore her? What about them. More sadness.

Its early and we don’t know everything, there are some good signs already, but obviously my brain goes here first. Goes to the worst possible thing that could happen.

Then I think why? Even though you cannot think why with this awful disease.  She is a vegan who grows the majority of her own food, drinks very little caffeine, lives and active healthy lifestyle and is surrounded by people that love her. She is interesting and always wants to learn. She is not a person who gets cancer.

She better be a person who beats cancer, AGAIN.