Fishstick Friday

Lately I have been borderline obsessed. I’ve been scheming and plotting trying to figure out a way  to make money doing something that I really like and, almost as important, something that would allow me to set my own schedule.

I’m FULL of ideas for other people -

Carly should start a baking business, Kiersten should start a food blog, Maureen should keep doing her freelance thing.

But what about me? Why is it next to impossible to think about ideas for myself but opportunities for other people are crystal clear?

Right now I’m ignoring the fact that this is a glaring red flag that maybe I have no marketable skills that could be turned into a viable business opportunity.

Is there a market out there for someone who can think of business ideas for other people? Part of me says yes the other says no.

YES - sometimes people just need an outside perspective, some actionable steps and a little enthusiasm.

NO - If someone actually wanted to start a business then they would. Period. Most entrepreneurial people don’t need the “big idea”, they already have it, or think they have it.

You could probably call this being a consultant, but a little less in-depth.

I don’t think that idea is very realistic, for a thousand different reasons, but it seems lately that its the only thing I can do!

So while I continue to ruminate about my own future business feel free to send me your skill set and interests and perhaps I’ll be able to come up with something great for you.

I had very high hopes for you. Your ad campaign is flashy and fun, your check in kiosks were decked out with Macs and fresh flowers and Fergies “Glamorous” was playing softly in the background.  The inside of your plane was sleek and modern and your Red entertainment center was engaging and user friendly.

The first leg of my journey (SEA to LA) was uneventful I’d even go so far as to say “pleasant”.  Upon boarding the second half of my journey (LA to DC) I had a rude awakening. Being the last people on the plane due to a way-to-tight connection I was told there were no more pillows or blankets left on the flight, the funny part about this is not that its an OVERNIGHT FLIGHT and there SHOULD be enough blankets for everyone DUH, but that the flight attendant telling me this was holding two blankets and two pillows!! She quickly realized her mistake and said “oh these ones are for other passengers that asked for them earlier”. Hmmmm so because you (Virgin America) scheduled my flight making me have a too short layover I’m now being punished?? Are you kidding me? You run and airline - a huge logistical mess of an operation and you can’t ensure that there will be enough blankets and pillows?

As we made our way to the VERY BACK ROW 9not your fault I know but it needs to be pointed out) of the plane and tried to settle in without a blanket or a pillow or the ability to recline things just got worse.

Your need for a vibey aesthetic and cool atmosphere apparently does not include curtains between the last seats in the plane and the bathroom area and place where the flight attendants sits during the flight. The lack of this curtain allowed me to HEAR the stewardesses gossip ENDLESSLY about passengers on flights, the issues they had on the job and not to mention countless details about their personal life.

You would have thought the flight was staffed by a pack of WAILING MONKEYS.

I waited for the noise to subside and when it did not AT ALL. I turned around and said “Can you be quite?”. I received no reply but after I turned around I heard a snort and a small giggle, girl gossip code for “oh my god what a freaking bitch”. No more then 20 mins later did they start talking again at the same levels as before.

Let me remind you that this is an OVERNIGHT flight. I.E. a flight you are supposed to SLEEP through.

As I sat there with my ipod turned all the way up trying to block out the noise the man sitting in our aisle seat was unknowingly letting his blanket drop to the floor.  The same attendant I had asked a for a blanket from rushed over and said “Sir hold onto your blanket, those are hot commodities around here”. Are you kidding me!!!!!

Needless to say I got no sleep on the flight and walked off the plane in a mild coma.

I don’t think I had high expectations: A disposable blanket and pillow and a quiet atmosphere. I would give up your flashy entertainment center, your well dressed flight team, and your fancy adjustable headrests to know that I could be ensured those two things.

I found out yesterday that a family member’s cancer has come back. Breath. Gut wrenching sadness soon followed and then guilt in two forms.

Guilt #1:

I love this person but NO they are not in my life as much as they could be. Only recently did we start opening up to each other and I felt a stronger bond being formed between us. And the thought of them not being alive to be a part of my life and not having the chance to nurture our relationship was incredibly saddening.

Guilt factor #2:

I then realized how selfish my first reaction was. I only thought about myself and how much I would be affected by this person not being in my life anymore. What about all the other people that love and adore her? What about them. More sadness.

Its early and we don’t know everything, there are some good signs already, but obviously my brain goes here first. Goes to the worst possible thing that could happen.

Then I think why? Even though you cannot think why with this awful disease.  She is a vegan who grows the majority of her own food, drinks very little caffeine, lives and active healthy lifestyle and is surrounded by people that love her. She is interesting and always wants to learn. She is not a person who gets cancer.

She better be a person who beats cancer, AGAIN.

Visual aids:

I made it back into the country. Phew. The immigrations people really crack me up though. They ask you these random questions, for what reason I don’t know. One guy asked me, on my way back into the US, what my occupation is, what is the use for this question?! What am I going to say….”I’m an arms dealer and I have a huge shipment coming in so please let me through”…or….”I’m a mule and I need to get to a bathroom ASAP before lethal amounts of cocaine leak out of the tiny balloons I swallowed or my small intestine ruptures and I end up in the emergency room squandering all my profits on surgical fees and ambulance rides. I’m quite sure that would not be covered under my current benefits.”

I’ve checked my email all ready, which I did NOT do at all while I was there,  suprisingly the place did not burn down without me and the world actually continued to spin. Crazy.

Trip highlights:

BUCKETS of Quacamole. I’m not kidding you. It was fantastic. I was elated and now I am crying that I can’t call room service and have another bucket delivered.

HOT HOT HOT SUN. My god it was beautiful there. I couldn’t quite get over it and spent a lot of time plotting how I could buy a house there and Ben and I would start a Gringo taco stand where we would only accept US dollars and speak no Spanish. That would be amazing.

Here are some tidbits of stories that are too long to accurately explain in this meduim:

Water taxi almost running out of gas and having to steal it from another boat in the dock, getting the best seat in the house for the “Mexican Show” at the office and realizing that would involve lots of tequila and ridiculous shinanigans with old people on vacation some of which involved popping balloons in provacative places, yelling at the cab driver “No Mas mui rapido” as he flew down the streets of cabo and him calling me “mui loco”, buying singilar tampons from the bathroom attendents personal supply for a US $1 a piece (!!), getting overtaken by a wave in the ocean and finally realizing that when people say its dangerous to swim out there they are not paranoid freaks but are probably onto something, reading a whole book that was mindless and wonderful, buying Corona’s and muffins at Walmart because I am cheap, stealing limes from the bars for said Coronas……the list goes on and on. I had a great time. I miss it already and I do not want to go back to work.

I hate work drama pretty much more then anything else in life, the reason why is very simple: I really don’t give a flying fuck. So when I get pushed to a point where I almost break into tears at work I really can’t handle it. I hate it when people impose their own emotional insecurities onto others and take on other peoples problems as their own. I do not respond well to being backed into corners and I can’t handle people making personal crusades to prove a point.

What I want to say is “get on with your life, swallow your shit, and quit bothering me, we all have a job to do here and I would never choose in a million years to work with you either” but what I have to say is “I hear what your saying and I’ll do what I can to work on some of these challenges and I appreciate you brining them to my attention” then I would like to fart in their face and walk away. Sometimes I do fart but not directly in their face.

All I can think about right now is fresh guacamole, cold Corona’s and hot hot sun.

Starkly opposite of that is what I actually have to think about: Deadlines and details and bullshitting my ass off.  I’m crossing my fingers that I don’t crack down the middle and get carried away to a place where the closest thing resembling guacamole is the mold growing in the showers.

I have this dull feeling in the front of my head and I am convinced that its because my brain is starting to go into a state of atrophy. Perhaps another diet coke will help.

If you suck at board games you should not play them. Period.

Don’t expect to go to a game night and come out with new friends if you have a poor vocabulary, can’t draw for shit and crack under pressure. People will judge you and forever remember you as the person who could not correctly illustrate said word. People might even want to kill you, at least I would.

Every good redeeming thing about your personality will be reduced to “yeah she’s great, but man she’s dumb. I mean who sucks that bad at Pictionary?!?” its a label that will follow you forever and people like me will not let you forget it.

You have been warned. Play at your own risk.

I can’t take credit for the title of this post (although I would love to). It comes from the book I’m reading right now called “The Geography of Bliss” and I can’t remember the authors name I think Weiner something..? Seriously I think part of his name is Weiner. Anyway this guy travels around the world and goes to different countries trying to figure out why they are happy, and what being happy or happiness means/looks like in other cultures. You may have already heard of the book I think its been a pretty big bestseller. Its very interesting, although a little slow at times, but it’s great to get an American perspective on different cultures versus just reading about them. Outside observation and critique from a point of view I can relate to is refreshing. Its very eye opening especially considering the The Trip is quickly approaching and I love to read about other places in the world that we might go to. I find the most interesting parts to be when he talks about the American view of happiness in comparison to how the current country he is in views happiness. The last chapter I read was on Qatar which is a super small country in the Middle East that has recently become ridiculously wealthy because of, you guessed it, OILNGAS (as he says in the book). There is so much money floating around in this country that people don’t really work and don’t really do a whole lot of anything except drink Starbucks and buy expensive pens. There is no culture and no history just a lot of new buildings and crazy drivers.

The relationship between money and happiness is the theme of this chapter. This is such an interesting topic to me I could literally write (type) forever about it. There are so many facets to this discussion my brain has a hard time organizing them.

We all work and we all have an idea of what it means to live comfortably i.e be happy, but the more we earn the definition of comfortable changes, then we have to work more.

We all want stuff. We want stuff that we think we need, some of it we do need,  but it all is supposed to make us happy. As we earn more money that stuff begins to change. We started by wanting a car, we got that car, now we want one thats faster and newer and cuter.

Is there ever a point where you stop and say “ok I’m good. I think I’m happy with my car and my laptop and I like eating out approximately 2 times a week but having to budget slightly for big expenditures and I really don’t want to work any harder at my job”. I don’t know anyone that does that (expect for my family in Oregon but they are hippies and don’t count in this argument).  We always want more. “More” gives you freedom and freedom is addicting. You’re able to choose what you want and not be constrained by money and that feels good. We do learn to be content with other things in our lives and, at least for myself, find some pride in finding that contentment. Their is a certain smug feeling of being ok with the relationships you have formed and being comfortable with the life you’ve built. Do you ever feel that way about money? We can always have more, our financial situation could always be better. Couldn’t it?

Why does change have to be so hard?

Why is it is so hard to look ahead and be excited for the future not sad about the past?  Sometimes you look up and all of a sudden things are different and you never even noticed that is was happening. In my opinion, most change is good, its the bad ones that really get your attention. That sounds like a totally obvious statement but is it really? How often do we sit down and take stock of all the positive changes (and positive change is different from positive things happening to you, those are incidents, most of the time change occurs slowly) that happen in our life over a given point in time? For myself its not often that I actually think about it, that I really take stock of it all, sit back and bask in the acceptance of really great change. However as soon as something “bad” (i.e. different) happens I lose sleep over it, I talk endlessly about it and I let myself slip into a negative state of mind. But really when I think about it, just as good change, sometimes just happens, bad change does to so what is really the point in fighting it?

The next correct thing to say right now is that I should try and stay positive about it and go with the flow and make good with what happens, because its my attitude that will make this easy or hard in the long run. But thats just not me and I will continue to over think it. All I can do is keep these realizations in my mind and maybe that will curb the negative side of me that flares up when “bad” changes begin.